Yesterday's Blog Seeing As The Internet Was Unwilling And/Or Unable To Let Me On To Post It:

To whom it may concern: Hello. How are you today?
I myself am doing just dandy. Ventured out of the batcave today to get my hair done. As we all know, being locked up with nothing to do just gets so much better when you do it with great hair. Because as we all know, if you're gonna do it...do it in style. Or something to that effect, anyway. Now, had I actually had something of more substance to do with myself this afternoon I might have done that instead but beggers can't be choosers, I'll take what I can get. At the hair salon I was once again faced with one of those life altering questions, those that define our very existance and challenge everything we've perceived ourselves to be. Namely: "Why, oh why, do a few highlights here and there cost me 100 dollars?" I am suddenly seeing the appeal of being a buddhist monk, aside from the obvious advantage of being able to bloat up like a prize pig whilst only making yourself all the more holy in the process. If I thought my face shape could carry it off and I wouldn't only be underlining the fact that not even plastic surgery can save my future within the beauty pageant industry, I'd definitely consider becoming a buddhist monk. I might possibly also have to be a guy, but with today's technology that can be easily fixed. I can even think of a thai boy who'd love to get rid of his thingymajig, so I wouldn't even have to wait for a pee-pee transplant. Providing that said thai boy would actually admit that he in fact HAS a pee pee, which is kind of a long shot when I think about it.
Anyways...where was I? Ahh, yes. Buddhist monks. The bald and the beautiful.
Hmm. I wonder if the mormon church accepts transexuals? And with a brand spanking new and unused sex organ, am I a virgin again? All very important questions. I'll pray about this tonight, and then tell the missionaries all about this in the morning.
I wonder what the prayer equivalent of "hanging up" on somebody is? Thunderbolts and lightning steering dangerously close to my head, perhaps?

On a different note though, with my recent escapades involving the church and some of it's fine, upstanding members the question has been raised with those around me whether I follow, or even have, any moral guidelines and whether I don't feel bad about my insincerity towards "the higher power". So I thought I'd briefly address that if I may. Firstly, I stand by my decisions. With the way
the world is and the fucked up way things have of turning out sometimes, I figure God must have one hell of a sense of humor. My disrespect is towards the church and not aforementioned higher power, and although the church might not accept me and my twistedness I feel that the big guy himself has room for me somewhere.
Albeit in a festering pool of firery, disease ridden rats.
Secondly, as to my moral guidelines, I have none that I am aware of. I live by one motto: dry-clean only.