Checking In.

January 27, 2005

Praise be, Friday night passed without so much as a hint of disaster anywhere. Ended up just having a really good time, despite having to shake off some of our society's more disturbed members who seemed hellbent on dancing at Mia's 5 digit disco at the end of the night. I think I may have been right on the money about the scent of blood. My outrageously tempting offers that night ranged from having someone beg to be allowed to lick my manicure, to someone else coming up with unspeakable places where he would like to park his tounge for awhile. The latter offer came from a guy who was so ridiculously hot, too that I actually managed to force myself to listen to the vile coming out of his mouth for 10 minutes. I kept thinking "Ok, he's gonna stop at any moment now and turn into a normal person.... Ok I really think it's going to happen any moment now..... I really think he's going to say he's just kidding very soon.... very soon.... any moment now". But by the time his tounge snuck into my ear as I turned my head towards the dancefloor for the briefest of moments, the dry heaves were inevitable and Gorgeous Porgeous was sent on his merry way, leaving me to another night of menage a'moi. Such a shame, too. Such a g-darn shame.

The next outing I know of will be Febuary 4th, when I go boogie down with my dear bosom buds, the Americans. In some drunken frenzy I decided that I was going to write an article for this magazine, which would immediately lead to my instant Carrie Bradshaw-ification, only to discover I had no ideas as to what to write about. Well, I figured, worst comes to worst... there's always making fun of Americans. The ever popular pasttime of all noble Europeans.

Originally I had meant to write about something else, but the bastard missionaries have betrayed me, broken my heart, killed my spirit and stomped on my hopes and dreams. I had meant to tag along with them for a day and write about my experiences as a pseudo-missionary in Reykjavik, but when it got down to the nitty gritty the boys in suits weren't too keen on the idea. I can't remember the official explanation I got from them, but I'm thinking it has something to do with maintaining some sort of image that I would inevitably destroy. Well FINE! They have left me no choice, once I get some candid shots of them, I'm just going to make up some horrible story and do an exposé on them. "Missionaries: Perverts and rapists on the streets of Reykjavik!" How do you like me now, mothasuckas?!?

Ahem. So anyway.

Speaking of missionaries... I was invited to the apartment of the two staying here in good ole Kef for a friendly chat the other day. During the aforementioned friendly chat however, my Nosey Parker eyes stumbled upon a board they have on the wall where they apparently catagorize the people involved with the church in the area. I saw my name listed under the header of "Friendship". Now if that's not a moment that makes you go "hmm". Having a friendly chat with two people who have your name on the wall, under what might as well read "lets pretend to be friends with these people for our ulterior motives". Lovely. It's always so nice to see that there's nothing fake about the church, it's so real. I love that. Fills me with God's love all over again.

And that, my dear readers, is how Joan Jett blew out the candle without breathing.

Mia :: 5:28 PM

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January 22, 2005

Lights blinding my eyes...

Well, it's official. Wonders never cease. For the first time since the Reagan administration, I am going out on a Friday night. This surprise outing miraculously coincided with the day I went to the mall and bought a new "going out" outfit. Fate and luck are holding hands it seems and one can only wonder what disaster this could be leading up to. Were one so inclined to believe that disasters lurk around every turn. I'll give you three guesses as to whether I am so inclined.

There is nevertheless an element of bad luck (AHA!). I got my period a day early for some reason. This is inconvenient for no unmormonial, fornicatorial (I am the wordsmith) reason. It's just simply harder to get down with the get down when you're bloated and bleeding. On the upside however, the faint scent of blood might attract the hardcore hunters. Am I right or am I right? Or am I gross?

Something in the back of my mind told me that drinking vinegar would get rid of the bloated stomach. I was stopped short of drinking the vinegar, by my parents who seem to think that the consumption of vinegar in large portions can lead to something horrible which was not further explained. Pat says "you'll die". Well! That's quite dramatic and everything, but I myself am inclined to doubt that. Well. Moreso that my death would be directly caused by the vinegar, that is.

I do actually have tons of things that deserve to be written about on these here respective pages, but it's time to glam myself up for the big night out. I'll report back tomorrow, in a daze from my imaginary hangover, wondering whose underwear I'm even wearing.

Lights blinding my eyes...

Mia :: 1:11 AM

(2) comments

January 10, 2005

My love horoscope for next week:
Stay calm, don't take aggressive action and you will have far better luck when it comes to love. The less persistent and the more confident you are the better. Let potential lovers come to you

Oh, FINE!!!

Mia :: 1:09 AM

(3) comments

January 09, 2005

If it seems to anyone that I was unduly harsh towards my mormon people in my last post, I do apologize. I can't seem to find a side of this issue I care to stand on. Everyone insists on either catagorizing you as for all of it, or against all of it. And it's just not that simple to me, really. But I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I most likely will always be mormon by definition (or perhaps by default?). I've realized that I believe in a lot of the church's teachings, I'm just a little bit less inclined to believe in some of the members' teachings so to speak. I don't want to become a Utahrd. I don't want to become some kind of floor length wool dress wearing nazi. I refuse to stand for opinions that are anti-abortion, anti-gay rights, pro-death penalty, etc. But I've also realized that I don't have to. Being a mormon doesn't require me to become someone else. I'll never be an over-zealous nazi mormon, but maybe that's OK too. I've accepted the church for what it is, and it's now going to have to accept me for who I am. Not mold me into something acceptable.

Well. I think I've beaten the skin off of that dead horse for long enough.

What else is new? Hmm. Well. Me and Top Gun are most likely going out on another date. Why is it that the moment I decide things shouldn't happen, they happen? It really is amazing and can I just hereby state for the record that I'll be goddamned if I'm going to win a million dollars in the lottery and by some miracle be remolded into some superbeauty. It simply will not happen. I shan't allow it.
I don't really like him any more than I did the last time I posted here though. But I still have a morbid fascination with having things go my way, so I'll make one last ditch effort at making it to first base. Just for the hell of it. Anyone care to make a humble wager?

In other news, I signed up for a proposterous amount of classes for next semester in a desperate attempt to get to the beginning of the end of this ridiculously long stint at this same school. The people who signed me up just laughed when they saw how much I was applying for and said, "no social life, huh?". Bastards. Surely, there's someone I can sue for this blatant trampling of my sensitivities.

To soothe the pain of having to pay a grand for tuition from my already empty pockets and make the loss of funds up to myself, I went and bought a very nice expensive lipgloss from Christian Dior.

Hmm.

Well, that made sense in my head at the time anyway...

Mia :: 6:28 PM

(2) comments

January 05, 2005

Ladies and gentlemen of the north, south, east and west. Hear the words of my mouth!

I don't know why I keep getting caught up in this "life partner" nonsense. The last thing I want right now, is a "life partner". I think the thing is I just want my choice of available life partners were I to lose my marbles and decide mating up would be a good idea, I just want others to want me as their life partner. That's it. I keep getting caught up in this whole ideal that we're all supposed to want the same things in life. We're all supposed to head for the same goal and goshdarnit, I should be looking for a "life partner".

Had I not lost my two potential "life partners" of last year, hmm, lets see where I'd be. I'd either be on the doorstep of a brilliant career as a cashier at some Wal-Mart in the middle of nowhere or I'd be somewhere in Utah getting the preverbial shit beaten out of me most likely three times a day. The beating up thing is unproven, of course, but I have my theories as to how that relationship would have played out had it developed to the "life partner" level. Call me crazy.

So boy, did I miss out, huh? Running away from my real life to join the friggin' mormon circus would have just been IDEAL in the long run, every little girl's dream.

I really need to start learning how to seperate what I want from what I'm just being told that I want. I get bored with my life, so I decide that I am just going to start living somebody else's life instead. And halfway there, I realize that I can't do that either and I end up leading some kind of no-man's-life instead, not willing to sort my own mess out but unsure of whose shoes to shove myself into instead.

I had decided a few months ago that a good mormon man in Utah (of all god forsaken places, good lord) and a nice, stable household would just be IT for me. My goal. And I would have six or seven children, because that's of course my goal being as child loving and generous as I am. Ahem. I wouldn't have a job of my own but rather spend my days rearing these children, who are the future, teaching them to be good little mormons like mommy and daddy for "time and all eternity" (mormon catchphrase alert). And why mormon guys? Because they would be easy to ensnare. They get married without batting an eyelid, just as ready to live some pre-packaged bullshit life as I was. They've had a roadmap for life imprinted in them from an early age, so when they reach a certain age, i.e 21 they are out on the prowl to look for some random girl to settle down with. How perfect. How convenient. No more annoying mating games, no more fear of rejection.
This way, I would never have to face my own life, live up to my own ambitions, rely on myself, my skills or talent (however limitedly supplied) or do any goddamn thing other than what I was told. What a relief, what a release from responsibility. But is it what I really want? Of course not.
Honestly, I just thank God I am such a screw-up that my hairbrain schemes tend to crumble before my very eyes before I can actually complete them successfully.

Oh well. My eyes are open now and staring straight ahead at the actual goal I need to acheive for myself, mormon bullshit drama notwithstanding. Zoinks! Another avoidance plot foiled again! I almost probably won't try to pull a stunt like this again.

You live, you learn.

Well... You live.

Mia :: 11:18 AM

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