Well well well, it seems I have become guilty of completely forgetting about you, readers. But have no fear, I can kinda sorta promise this will not happen again. Now now, before you hastily assume that something has happened that caused me to forget my devoted fans (alright, not fans then), let me make you aware that nothing has happened. And by nothing, I mean nothing. Or as our filthy little friends south of the boarder might say: Nada.
I seem to recall that the last time the prophet spoke, (the prophet being me, dullard) said prophet was about to bare her testimony with the missionaries. Or lack thereof. I delved into the murky corners of my mind and pulled out all the things I'd been refridgerating in there since my voluntary brush with mormonism began. It turned out to be quite the pile of things of various degrees of lunacy. As Elders 1 and 2 politely knocked on my door 30 times in 1 second (it's gotta be some kind of record) for our "date" (I like to call them dates, as I have no life and no real dates to speak of), little did they know the hostile waters brewing on the other side of it. After we'd sat down and exchanged meaningful looks and softly whispered sweet nothings, I moved in for the kill. Suffice to say, the poor boys were flabbergasted for a lack of a better term. One of them, being the more intelligent one of the two, didn't seem to mind chatting with me about my doubts and reservations about the church and admitted to having had a few himself. Those doubts were of course terminated after the holy ghost set his heaving bosom permanently on fire, which I'll quietly doubt if there are no objections. Elder 2 however did not take my questions quite so lightly. After sitting hunched over on the couch through an hour of mine and Elder 1's friendly banter, staring at me misty eyed with his jaw hovering slightly above floor level, he suddenly seemed to snap and instantly started screaming. In true Texas style, he had obviously opted for volume at the expense of reason and I got to hear, rather loudly, about how he DOES NOT TEACH THAT. HE TEACHES ABOUT MORALITY, ABOUT PRAYER, ABOUT LOVING GOD AND YOUR NEIGHBOURS, ABOUT THE FIRST VISION...et cetera. This seemed to amuse Elder 1, confirming my secret suspicions that he's not entirely too fond of Elder 2. Elder 2 also tried to tell me that archeological evidence about places in the BoM (Book of Mormon) exists and the cities mentioned have been dug up. Not so, as it happens, and I told him this much to his utter dismay. I'm not quite sure whether he actually believes this or whether he was just lying to my face on the off chance I wouldn't have already researched it myself. My guess is the poor guy is just misled. I have found out since that a lot of mormons do in fact believe that this evidence exists, but in true Latter Day Saint style they have not the cojones to double check as knowledge is of the devil and the truth is to be feared more than a rabit pitbull with a machine gun. Stands to reason, after all if you're living a lie, truth becomes your worst enemy. I also found it rather amusing when I briefly touched on the hidden church doctrine that black people are black because they sinned in the "pre-existance". This was met with an enthusiastic "No!! That's a lie!! Some white racist southern asshole came up with that!!!" I unfortunately had not the heart to tell them that this was directly from the mouth of one Joseph F. Smith, the man upon whose word these poor misguided boys base their very existance.
Well, needless to say my efforts did not get them out of the church and we are not currently living happily together in a hut on some caribbean beach where they give me massages and I feed them grapes. And no, I haven't thought about it at all.