I wonder whether I could be by any stretch of the imagination be considered "normal". Tell me, did any of you worry about getting grey hair at the age of 20? False teeth? Hunchback? Wrinkles? I ask you, am I abnormal for worrying about these things? Of course I haven't yet resorted to any methods to try to prevent Father Time from catching up with me and molding me into the wrinkled ball of bedpan breath I am bound to wind up as. Fuck prevention in the ear, I say! It's inevitable and therefore I shall not try to avoid it but rather embrace it and freak out over it for years to come. I spent Wednesday morning, or rather misspent, babysitting my nephew. Or at least the formation of fiery evil I have come to know as my nephew. You know what he said to me? The ingrate looks me straight in the eye and says, rather sweetly with a razor tounge, "Mia. I don't think you're old at all". Just out of nowhere like that. THEN WHY BRING IT UP, KIDDO? NO BREAKFAST FOR YOU! EVER!!! I admit you need to be a person of a certain disposition to obsess over old age at 20. Sadly, I am of that disposition. I will say this though. I have never in my life felt quite as old as the eve I stupidly stumbled into a movie theater and sat down to "enjoy" Austin Powers 3: Goldmember. While bursts of laughter echoed through the full auditorium, I was unable to ignore the silent question being set forth in my head. "What in the holy hell am I doing here?". I don't think I need to state any further that I was left entirely unamused by said movie. I realised I had walked into a movie that nobody over the age of 10 had gone to see and now I was sitting in a room full of 8 year old boys laughing at pee jokes. You can imagine the bewildered look on my face when the lights came on, post-torture, and I realised I was most likely the youngest person in there. It then dawned on me that you really are only as old as you feel. Unfortunately for me, I happen to be 100 years old and aging rapidly in a crowd of 30 year olds going on 5. I have never been entirely sure whether I hated life more before or after aforementioned epiphany.