Well, that's it. The world is officially against me now. This morning I was rather brave. Or braver than your average 5 year old anyway, and actually volunterally went to see a dentist. My dentist was rather displeased with my reluctance to come visit him, and read me the riot act for several minutes before actually getting to work. In retrospect, allowing him to become so worked up before he began taking sharp instruments to my pearly whites (Ok... so they're more like pearly off-whites..sort of) was perhaps not my best idea to date.

You see, the backstory to this pleasant morning was that whilst engaged in a fist fight with some sailors down by the docks last week, I managed to break a tooth. Dr. Giggles, being a man of invention and progress decided that rather than fixing the old tooth... he would merely rip it out of my bleeding gums with a metal hook. Aww, bless his little cotton socks.

Surely another shall replace it soon, as I am still tooth-wise very much a child and haven't had my extra set of back teeth grow in yet.

The knowledge that I will soon be frolicking in the sun with a brand new tooth that is sure to become as attached to me as my old one did nothing to ease the pain and seperation angst I felt as Dr. Kevorkian handled me in a way that would have made your average heavy machinery weep.

Now, when I say pain, I mean that in a strictly metaphorical, melodramatic sense. The truth is, I felt no pain at all. I'd had 4 shots of local anaesthetic in various corners of my mouth, paralyzing my face and making my cheeks look like flapping pizza dough. I am quite confident this deformation is permanent. What little aesthetics I had going for me (and lets face it... I am rather poor in prettiness) have now been erased, leaving me with a bullethole the size of a billy goat in my jaw as a souvenir and permanently blood stained teeth.

Ironically enough, my horoscope tells me I'll be feeling amorous this week. Well that just fuckin' figures, doesn't it?!?

Mmmm, kiss me baby....