Alright, fine! I accept the fact that my last post will never garner 10 comments. I have kept the hope alive for six months, but now I feel it is time to surrender to my own unpopularity and write a new blog.

I am unhappy to report that the age old battle has concluded, the ultimate question has at last been laid to rest once the answer became abundantly clear. It's official. Brandon: I love you more. HA! And for that, I win the prize behind the door to the empty elevator shaft.

As some of you may already know, I have recently rejoined the ranks of singles. Now, before you salivate all over yourselves and make a mad dash for my doorstep, you should know that I have no intentions of rebounding onto some hapless fellow and plan to turn my underpants back into the steel-braced fortress of solitude they once were. Given my social status and track record, this transition should require no enormous effort on my part. Perhaps sadly.

Since I am on a reverse cycle with the rest of the universe and my happiness is somehow oddly intertwined with other people's misery, I'm sure many of you take great delight in hearing of my loss and misfortune. How miserable I am is always inversely proportionate to how happy others are, you see. This only adds to my misery as my misery never has any company, which in turn adds to everyone else's joy and zest for life. So, I expect no sympathy since it is probably best for the universe if I stay as miserable as possible. And believe you me, the universe has done it's part to keep me that way.

When I was so miserable that I joined a cult to get away from myself, my friends had babies and found new meaning in life. When I had no job, my friends found great jobs. When I dropped out of school, my friends graduated. But when I got a great job and a semi-decent relationship (I'm being awfully generous here), my friends ended up either miserable and alone or in worse relationships than mine (This is a stretch for the imagination I know, but try to stay with me here). When I started doing great in school, people started to hate school and do poorly. Now that I've been dumped like the litter that I am, my friends have great jobs again, overseas trips planned and weddings on the horizon.

Oh yeah, and I lost my job too. Hugs to the world, y'all.

When you win the lottery next week, remember that I took one for the team and toss me a nickle when you see me panhandling in the street.

Would you like a glass for all that bitter, ma'am?