I've made a decision. One that will change everything and leave a long and winding skidmark down the epicenter of my life forever more. I've decided to actively become un-single. I've complained about my unfortunate singleness for many a weeks now, mourning the loss of whatever elusive trait it was that made me attractive to the weaker members of the opposite sex. I'm on a life-improvement rampage now, seeing as I have contracted some kind of chemical poisoning or other and have become a die-hard optimist. Anything is possible! Seize the day!

I've happily been drinking gallons of water a day whilst on the diet to end all diets, I'm using some kind of entirely inaffective teeth whitening substance (steer clear of Rapid White), I'm back in school, working dilligently at a crappy McJob like (du ru du du du) I'M LOVING IT and I'm thinking about moving into my very own castle. I mean apartment. So I figure, why not include a sausage hunt? Surely if you can get a fish to swallow a sharp metal hook by covering it with the right bait, I can attract a guy by hiding my true self behind a pleasant facade. My horoscope for the week says that I should "get out there", that my love (of the lasting kind, I might add) is out there waiting for me.

I wish my "love" would read his fetchin horoscope where it will inevitably tell him to get off his fat ass and come find me instead, as I am the mother of all procrastinators and this quest for a hunk-a-burnin-manlove will most likely be short lived, but I digress.

Now the first thing I need to do before I begin my transformation into a human tripwire in front of the deep, deep pit of love is figure out what kind of man I plan to entrap. I mean attract. Do I want a hopelessly gorgeous science geek whose sexiness has to this day gone undiscovered? Or do I want a hopelessly gorgeous bad boy whose relationships have never made it through dessert until he came across me? Or do I want a hopelessly gorgeous innocent who has never known the ways of a woman before? Or do I just plain not care and will settle for anyone hopelessly gorgeous no matter who he is? This will all need to be carefully calculated before I can begin my mission.

Any thoughts, comments or suggestions would as always be more than welcome. Encouraged even. I am rapidly moving past my prime here and every moment could be my last chance at lassoing that perfect fella, so put your heads together, you random gathering of people you, and come up with a brilliant plan. I will be forever in your debt.

Now get to suggesting. Tic toc, mofo. Time is money.