I'm in shock. Pure unadulterated shock and astonishment. My last post got 4 whole comments, and half of those were not especially requested, ordered or begged for by me in any way. This is definite progress. But indulgence begets greed, so now I want more. I want more than one comment, I want friendly banter, I want lively expressions of livelier opinions and above all I want bottomless praise and worship. I want to create the illusion that I have friends here, people! That is going to take some effort on your part. As far as I know, I have seven readers. It's actually ridiculous that I write these stupid things for only seven people who then have to be poked and prodded to read any of it, but I digress.
As I see it, these seven readers are as follows:
Heidi. See below for visual along with hoity toity title. Heidi works at the chamber of commerce for her town, and while I don't know what that is exactly, I have assumed that it's a very fancy place with cushy chairs and I hold Heidi in the highest regard as the New Hampshirian college graduate. I am furthermore convinced that due to her elevated social status, she can hook me up with a job as a dentist or governor of New Hampshire should I desire to relocate. She is dating a workaholic cabinet carpenter named Tom who has itching, swelling, cramping, diaherreah, seizures and a bad back. They are very happy together.
David: My favorite half of a pair of Utah twins, the other half of which answers to the name of Aaron. Or would, if anyone were to bother calling it out. Dave pretends to be a sweet and innocent, shy virgin and he thinks I believe him, when in actuality I know that he's an internet predator who hangs around mormon singles sites and tries to ensnare females into his web of trickery and deceipt. It's adorable really. Best of luck to him. May many a Molly Mormon fall victim to his boyish charms, I say! Just remember David, in this day and age, boil 'em first!
Patrick: Patrick is a former marine from Missouri whom I have been talking to for many a years. Again, see below for visual. He fears communism with a McCarthy like fervor and often suspects Iceland of being the centerpoint of various communist conspiracies. My family, in particular. I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM OR DENY THESE ALLEGATIONS. We have often dreamt of getting together and having lots of strange looking babies, but alas Patrick only dates women whose names end in -ie so our dreams can not be realized pending the reevaluation of this policy. I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say about Patrick as he doesn't often take kindly to publicity and always thinks I'm secretly putting him down in some backwards communist trickery way. But let it hereby be known that no matter what Patrick thinks, a thousand rainbows would never have the colors to paint how much I love him to death.
Regan: Regan uniquely enough is a "real life person". For many years she starred as my girlfriend in our weekend performance of "We are Lesbians", an ever progressing soap opera taking place in every club in Iceland. Granted she was not present in every episode, but her presence was ever lingering as a backdrop to my shenanigans. Me and Regan also went through a Paula Abdul phase where we choreographed various dance routines that are still alive today. Who doesn't remember the Farmer's Breakdance? Or the Snake Breakdance? Or the Penguin Breakdance? Ok, so we had a certain format we liked to stick with. Big whoop. Wanna fight about it? This is the kind of friend that'd take a bullet for you. Or at least spend an entire evening in a Danish kareoke bar talking to a non-english speaking one armed Arab for you. I don't know which is worse, frankly.
Mike: Definitely my favorite english person of all time, tea and crumpets notwithstanding. He falsely claims to read this blog, which is obviously a blatant lie that I have caught him in on several occasions. I think very highly of Mike and therefore I cling to the illusion that we're still the best of friends long after he has stopped speaking to me. Hope springs eternal, right? There will always be a very special place in my heart for Mikey.
Nanna Dögg: My absolutely beautiful pseudo-sister who is the nicest person in the world and therefore out of the vast kindness of her heart takes pity on me and comes here and reads my drivel. More people should follow her example, if you ask me. She is getting married in November of this year. She was originally going to get married on September 11th, but something told her that day might be laced with bad luck. I don't know where she got it from, frankly. I had to cancel the scenic flight around NYC that I'd bought her on the special day and everything. Some people's kids, I tell you! Nanna Dögg doesn't care that I'm extremely intelligent and really good looking, and just treats me like a normal person instead of a goddess among mortals. I'll always appreciate that.
The seventh reader is Jay, whom I've only spoken to a couple of times so I don't have a whole lot to say except that he's been here once and already left a comment. I won't say anything else. I'll just leave it at that and those who think they can learn something from Jay can take it to heart.
In other news, we have some french people staying at the hostel now. They spoke to me briefly have been looking down their noses at me ever since. ,,Styupid American, 'oo does she think she is, no?" I was beginning to feel a bit like Marie Antoinette by the end of the day, despised and persecuted by the french public.
I saw on the books that I'm supposed to go fix them breakfast in the morning.
Pfft! Breakfast!? Let them eat cake!
: 8:41 PM