Having been banished to the outer darkness of my own corner office in the middle of a lava rock field, I now find myself with time to update this website at long last. Oy vey how I know you have waited, my precious ones.
Now, where to begin…
Most noticeably, my love life has picked up considerably since I decided it was time to get deholified again. Life’s too short to be sweet, I’ve determined. From here on in, my life will be nothing but wanton debauchery all the way! Allez-allez!
After my initial brief brush with alcohol at the start of the month, I decided that it was high time I reintroduced myself to the local bar scene as the drunken babbling idiot it once knew me as. So the following Friday me and Sylvia got booted, suited and G-ed up from the feet up and headed out on the town. Despite some minor stabbings and such, the night turned out pretty good although in some unidentifiable drunken frenzy I gave out my phone number to some hapless turd that I was hoping would never have the courage to actually call once he’d sobered up.
As we know, when I hope for something, one can pretty safely bet money on the exact opposite happening. This was proven true once again when old boy didn’t waste a moment’s time in contacting me as soon as he woke up on Saturday “morning”. Still groggy from the night’s endeavors and perhaps feeling charitable, I agreed to have dinner with the mysterious caller, not really recalling the horror that had stood before me the night before.
I was met at the restaurant by what can only be described as… a geek. And that doesn’t even begin to describe it. National icon and folk hero Leoncie was sitting at the next table with her husband who was wearing a cowboy hat backwards, and this guy was making them look cool. But being the trouper that I am, I managed to breeze through dinner, maintaining casual conversation and smothering all and any attempts at inviting me to a movie before he could fully get them out. Also managing to mostly ignore the fact that he was shaking, rather noticeably, causing him to splash water all over the table whenever he picked up his glass. Ahem, well, chalk it up to experience I guess.
The next night, I was asked out to dinner to the very same restaurant by another guy. This guy was considerably better looking but the date was pretty much a bust as we had absolutely nothing to say to each other. Somewhat comically, I was told at the end of the night that because the guy was not looking to get attached, he didn’t want anything of substance but being of the gender he is, he was interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with me. Whatever happened to the good old days where guys would bullshit you senseless to get into your pants, huh? Whatever happened to that? What in the devil is this world coming to??
The following week I went and saw an Alice Cooper show in Reykjavik with some people from work, bringing along a guy I didn’t really know but had been talking to a little bit for awhile. I talked to him briefly while I was getting ready and told him where I was going, and since he was dying to go I invited him along with us. The show turned out to be awesome. I am just lame enough to be thrilled to have ye ole metal whore, Alice Cooper standing three feet in front of me and was totally star struck. Alice looked like he’d been dead for, oh, about 4 years or so but he’s got the kind of look where the older and uglier he gets, the cooler he looks.
Me and my “date” however pretty much hit it off and have been seeing each other since the show. A long and dreary dryspell hath ended finally. Who can resist the romantic spells of Alice Cooper bringing two souls together? T’was a match made in theatrical hell where a ballerina portrayed Paris Hilton and Alice Cooper was decapitated by two monsters. What could POSSIBLY go wrong? Stay tuned.
School’s out completely.
