In keeping with the theme of a fast-forward relationship, I brought the new beau home to meet the folks last night. At his repeated request, mind you. I’m not going How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days here. Although now that I mention it, our love fern is starting to look a tad under the weather...

But, aside from all botanical woes...the meeting with the folks went surprisingly well. I am SO guarded that I have never actually let a guy meet the fam before, so this was a big step for me. But since the relationship is moving at such a galactic speed, I felt I had to bring him home to the folks so they’d know who I was divorcing three weeks from now. I have never let a guy meet my parents for three main reasons. One being that I was dating someone so... shall we say exotic in both appearence and mannerisms, that it was a mystery even to me while I was even associating with the guy. The other being that I was dating a guy so über cool that I didn’t want him to come around my bizarre family in fear that they might frighten him off before I had a chance to frighten him off myself. The third being that, and this is going to sound a touch messed up, I like to be able to get rid of people. Not in a shallow grave sense (necessarily), but I like to be able to just break up with a guy and never have to hear his silly little name mentioned in my presence ever again. Sounds reasonable enough, right?

But, when I became a man I put away chi.... hmm, wait a minute. Lets just say that I’m learning to outgrow my childish inhibitions.

So, back to my original story... the meeting with the parents did in fact go surprisingly well. I had pictured the scenario in my head, with my mother making weird statements such as pinching my love handles and congratulating him on being gracious enough to lower himself to dating such a beast. My dad growling and spitting in his face and not speaking to me for the next several weeks... it had all run through my head.

But instead... my mom stared at him wide eyed and smiling like I’d just dragged home an extra terrestrial. My dad then got up and smiled and shook his hand and said it was nice to meet him.

After I regained my consciousness and picked myself up off the floor, I hurried him out of there before one of us would say something to invite an actual conversation, which would surely spell doom and destruction for all those present.

In other news, I am being hunted by the bankers of Iceland. I think I must make at least ten times more than I think I do, because they sure do want to keep me around. Because of this, I now carry two gold cards with me, free of charge, with a 13 thousand dollar credit limit. God. Help. Us. Everyone.

With my mind on my money and my money on my mind,

Peace out, Gs.